In this guide8 sections
The invitation arrived, you RSVP’d, and now comes the eternal question: how much goes in the envelope? There’s no official rate and no chart everyone follows. What you can use is a handful of questions that lead you to an amount you feel good about: not so low that it makes you uncomfortable, not so high that it wrecks your month. This guide walks you through them and covers how to actually hand over the gift.
Why there’s no “right” number
Search for this and you’ll find “average gift” figures and online calculators. We couldn’t find a reliable study of how much people give at weddings in Peru, so you won’t see a benchmark number here. Be wary of any figure that doesn’t say where it comes from or when it was measured.
Another rule of thumb you’ll hear is that your gift should cover your plate, meaning what the couple pays per guest. It can be a loose hint, but it has three problems:
- You don’t know the cost. Only the couple does.
- They chose the venue. An invitation isn’t a ticket sale.
- It ties your gift to someone else’s budget instead of yours.
A good gift is one you can give without going into debt and that the couple receives with gratitude. Everything else is detail.
Five questions to settle on an amount
Answer these before you reach for your wallet.
1. How close are you to the couple?
This matters most. Your best friend from college is not the same as a coworker you barely talk to. The closer the relationship, the more it makes sense to aim for the higher end of what you can afford.
2. Are you going alone, with a partner or with your family?
If the invitation includes your partner or your kids, the gift usually comes from all of you: one envelope, signed by everyone attending. Keep that in mind when you pick the amount, though there’s no fixed formula.
3. What does it cost you to get there?
If the wedding is in another city, you’re already paying for flights or bus tickets, a place to stay and maybe a new outfit. It’s fair for that to factor in. A couple who asks guests to travel knows what that costs.
4. What does your budget allow this month?
Set a ceiling before you think about what’s “expected.” If you have three events this month, split it up. Nobody is going to audit your envelope, and a gift that leaves you paying interest does no one any good. If you’re also going to the bachelorette party—where the costs get split among the guests—or to the engagement party, count all three together: engagement gift ideas explains why that gift is usually the smallest of them.
5. What did the couple ask for?
Check the invitation. If there’s a gift registry, use it: that’s where they tell you what they need. If it mentions a lluvia de sobres (literally “a shower of envelopes,” the Peruvian custom of giving cash in a sealed envelope at the party), cash is exactly what they’d like. And if a gift on their list has a price, you can match it or share it with other guests.
An example to build your own range
A practical approach is to set your own range for weddings and place each invitation within it. The figures below are a made-up example, not a recommendation. Swap in your own.
Say Andrea decides that this year she can give between S/ 100 and S/ 300 per wedding (S/ is the symbol for Peruvian soles).
| Situation | Where it lands in her range |
|---|---|
| A coworker she rarely talks to | Low end |
| A cousin she grew up with | High end |
| She’s bringing her partner | One envelope from both, toward the high end |
| The wedding is in another city | She can go lower guilt-free; the trip already costs her |
| She’s a madrina (sponsor) | Her role already has costs, so she talks it over with the couple |
The beauty of this method is that you decide once and then just place each case. If you’ve been asked to be a sponsor, read up on what each wedding sponsor usually covers before adding a separate envelope.
How to give the money
The amount matters, but so does how you give it. These are the most common options.
In an envelope, at the reception
- Write your name on the envelope and, if you like, add a card with a message. An anonymous envelope can’t be thanked.
- Use crisp bills and seal it well.
- Leave it where the couple indicates. Many receptions have a box or chest for envelopes. If there isn’t one, hand it to the couple during a quiet moment, not in the middle of the dance floor.
As a contribution on their registry
If the couple has a registry that takes contributions, it’s the tidiest option: your gift arrives with your name on it, you can give it before the wedding and you don’t have to carry cash. The couple also knows exactly what it will go toward. If they’re still putting theirs together, point them to these wedding registry ideas.
By bank transfer or Yape
Only if the couple shared their details. (Yape is a popular mobile payment app in Peru.) Add your name to the payment note and let them know, so they don’t have to guess who sent what.
If you can’t attend
You’re not obligated, but if you’re close to the couple, sending a gift or a contribution with a note is a kind gesture. If you’re not that close, replying to the invitation on time and sending your congratulations is enough.
What to avoid
- Forgetting to RSVP. A gift doesn’t replace your reply: the couple needs a head count.
- Leaving the envelope unsigned. It’s the most common mistake and the hardest to fix.
- Talking about the amount at your table or on social media. It’s between you and the couple.
- Going into debt to keep up. A modest gift given warmly beats one that weighs on you for months.
- Bringing coins or torn bills. If you’re giving cash, get it ready ahead of time.
- Matching what they gave you. Circumstances change; give according to where you are now.
What else guests ask us
There’s a civil ceremony and a church one. Do I give twice?
If both happen on the same day or the same weekend, it’s one gift: you’re celebrating one wedding, not two. When the civil ceremony happens months earlier and in private, and you’re invited to that small lunch, bring a small something there and save the real gift for the big party. If you’re invited to only one of the two, the gift belongs to that one.
Do I have to give at the engagement party, the bachelorette and the wedding?
Each one gets a gesture, but not the same size. The wedding is the gift; an engagement party is usually a small token; and at a bachelorette what you put in is your share of that night’s costs. The mistake is treating all three as three weddings. Look at the whole month, decide what you can spend in total, and split it yourself rather than event by event.
If I buy something off their registry, should I add an envelope too?
You don’t need to. A gift is a gift, and the registry exists precisely so you know you got it right. If you want to add something, make it a handwritten card—it outlives any banknote. Doing both only makes sense when what you bought was a small item and you always meant to give more than that.
Does the gift have to be in soles?
Yes, unless the couple told you otherwise. Foreign notes mean someone has to go and change them at some point, for an amount neither you nor they get to choose, and sometimes explain where they came from. If you’re flying in and would rather not carry cash, ask whether they have a registry or any way to give from your phone: it solves the trip and the currency in one move.
If you’re the one getting married
On the other side, the key is to leave amounts off the invitation and explain what the gift will go toward. We cover that in how to ask for money as a wedding gift, and our guide to the digital wedding invitation has wording for mentioning a lluvia de sobres. And if your guests ask what to wear, send them our guide on what to wear to a wedding.
Giving from your phone with parati
With parati, the invitation and the gift registry live on one link that the couple shares on WhatsApp. For you as a guest, that means:
- You RSVP and give from your phone, without creating an account, paying by card or Yape.
- You can share a gift. Couples can split a gift into parts, so you don’t have to cover the whole thing: you chip in one part and other guests cover the rest.
- El Sueño (The Dream). A single big gift, like the honeymoon, with a goal and a minimum contribution set by the couple. You give whatever you like, starting from that minimum.
- Your gift arrives with your name. The couple sees who RSVP’d and who gave what, so they know whom to thank.
